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Monday, September 5, 2011

The Door Swung Open

Here's my attempt at a short story. If you're wondering what I'm doing, Rachael Harrie has this wonderful author networking challenge. I'm required to write a short story, limited to 200 words, and use the door swung open as the opening line. If I'm brave, I'm to use the door swung shut as the closing words. So, at 200 words, here's my story: THE ZOMBIE LIFE


The door swung open and a pair of hands grabbed my ankles.
“Get out here,” commanded a sharp voice that scarred my ears as it passed.
Scream. Where is your scream? I clawed at the walls with my fingers. “No.” My weakened rasp barely broke my breath. “Let go.” As I slid, against my wanting, my body left the shadow of my home. My feet burned from a blaze that I couldn’t see. I wouldn’t look; I needed my eyes for the darkness. When my ankles met the pain, I howled. There’s my scream!
“He’s fighting me,” yelled the voice.
More hands gripped me. I pulled one leg back and kicked the enemy, but the motion twisted me and my face struck the floor. More pain. My legs met the fire. I clawed again, this time at the floor.
This was no way to die. First, the fevers, then the shakes. When the poison of daylight ended all hope for a normal life, I had promised myself I would live. In darkness, yes, but I had lived so long.
Removed from my home and completely exposed, I dared a final defying glance at the sun before the door swung shut.

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Well, there it is. If you like it, please LIKE it here. Oh, and I'm not really into horror or zombies, but it was the first thing that came into my mind when I read the contest rules. Thanks for visiting!

35 comments:

  1. Ooooh...this left me with so many questions. Well done!

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  2. Ha! This is awesome! Loves the idea of sunlight being fatal. O:)

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  3. Oops I forgot to add that it's a good creepy though. :)

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  4. Hmmm, intriguing. Leaves me with a lot of questions, but in a good way!

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  5. I just wanted to congratulate you as you have been picked by me to be fast-tracked to the next round of judging!

    Good luck=)

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  6. I'm thinking the MC is the zombie and that it's the 'regular' people trying to kill him... I like it. ~ Nadja

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  7. Thank you all for the comments so far. Like I mentioned in the post, this isn't my sort of writing, but it sure is fun! It'll be later, but I will get around to all of your posts.

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  8. Well done.I'm not into that either but this was one I could handle. mine is #72

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  9. Creepy, with lots of tension! I really enjoyed this, Jamie.

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  10. I like this. Yes, it's creepy but quite sad too. Seeing the 'monster's' death from his own PoV.

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  11. Hi! Nice post, loved "the poison of daylight" :)

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  12. Creepy and sad. Nice work making us feel bad for the zombie.

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  13. It's interesting how he couldn't scream at first... and that it bothered him. Sounds't like shock to me :)

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  14. This was awesomely freaky and scary. I loved the lack of scream from fear. Great job!

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  15. More great compliments. You all are so kind. Thank you.

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  16. Neat premise. I absolutely love the second the last paragraph, especially "poison of daylight" and the bit about choosing to live in the dark. Congrats on moving to the next round. :)

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  17. I love the tension in this. Great job. Definitely leaves me wanting more.

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  18. Great tension and feeling in this one!

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  19. usually the first thought that sparks in ones mind takes control of yet to be written words. This is an excellent example of a thriller. Very well conceived, left me with a lot of questions and wanting to read more of it.

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  20. That whole not-being-able-to-scream thing is the most terrifying part of nightmares. I love that you added it! Great job! :D

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  21. I love the idea of a voice scarring your ears, that really stuck with me. I was feeling that throughout the whole piece. Also, the tension and the terror are beautiful!

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  22. Hello there fellow Campaigner. Always a pleasure to meet another Fantasy writer as well as someone who refers to himself in the third person. Happy to meet you. I am following you now.

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  23. Great tension and you use really stirring language. I love the way he searches for his scream. I have so many questions, I'm dying to read more.

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  24. It's been a busy Saturday for you all. Thank you for visiting. I love the insights. In fact, one reason I enjoy writing is that everyone reads a little bit differently. That's a good thing. Each of us likes/dislikes different things, and the same story can mean so many different things.

    Hehehe-Laila, you're so right. I never thought of my intro that way. By the way, you're name is close to a main character in my books. Her name is Leila! I think you two would get along.

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  25. CONGRATS!

    I am a judge of the next section, and you are now 1 of the 38 semi-finalists!

    Good luck in the finals :)

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  26. Nicely done, Jamie! It's neat to get into the perspective of the creature for once. You pulled it off quite well! :)

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  27. Great story, with nice twist. Good luck in the finals!

    I love the title of your blog, by the way.

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  28. Thanks, Cheryl. Fairy lovers and the lot are always welcome here.

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  29. Congrats on advancing! Nicely done! That was a fun one.

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  30. I'm thinking nightmare; I always think that when you can't find your scream. Nicely done and congrats on advancing!!

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  31. Thank you all for visiting AND for sharing your thoughts. This was fun.

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  32. Very nice, I didn't have a chance to read it before. ; )

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